Life happens to all of us. In some way, shape, or form, everyone has felt some type of heartbreak, depression, or pain that left them feeling broken. And if you read my last post, you know that I have too.
And the worst part about feeling broken is not knowing what to do with the pieces. You make yourself feel ugly and small as you stare at the floor. At all of the scattered fragments of what you used to be. Not knowing how to put yourself back together again even if you tried. I have been broken, in many ways I still am. Loving myself, valuing myself, holding myself up to any sort of standards at all has been a major struggle for me. Whatever is was that broke me, is what made me. And I hated it, I wanted to be strong, and feel empowered, confident, and beautiful.
Then I stumbled upon something that helped me see how being broken in itself; can be so beautiful. ♥
I saw an article online called, “Kintsugi, the art of precious scars”. This, along with a photo of a small bowl that was decorated with lines of gold caught my attention.
It is said that the art of Kintsugi was created around the 15th century, when the eighth shogun of the Ashikaga shogunate, named Ashikaga Yoshimasa, broke his favorite teacup.
He sent the teacup to China to get repaired, and was unsuccessful. Not wanting to let the cup go, he decided to try to let some Japanese craftsmen repair it. Impressed with the shogun, the craftsmen decided to turn the cup into a jewel by filling the cracks with gold. Making it more beautiful and more valuable after it had been destroyed.
This concept blew my mind. Think about it. Anytime we break something, a plate, a vase, we throw it away. In our eyes it loses its value, its beauty & its purpose. This is also how I treated myself. I was broken. To me that meant; No more worth, no more beauty, & no more purpose. I felt disposable.
Now I am not going to lie and say that I am magically healed thru this magnificent revelation. That would be false beyond words. I am still very much broken in many aspects. I still struggle everyday with looking myself in the mirror, and learning to love what I see.
However, I am learning more everyday on how to heal myself, and become the woman I want to be.
Self- love I’ve come to realize the hard way, is a very difficult thing. Which sounds ironic considering how easy it sounds. Love yourself. That’s it. Always put YOU first , do what makes YOU happy, & live YOUR best life. I could tell myself those words over & over & over. Reciting it in my mind like my own personal mantra. The problem was, I never put those words into action.
Making the broken, beautiful. I began to think of all the aspects of myself that I didn’t like. How I didn’t feel beautiful, how I felt fat, how I wished I was smarter, how I looked at other women on social media who appeared perfect, & silently wished I was them.
Enough was enough. For me, and for anyone was has ever let their scars & their battle wounds become them.
This is for everyone reading that has ever felt pain, that has ever gave up on themselves. That has ever been broken. Its time to stop letting your broken pieces waste away on the floor as you stare at them in despair. Stop letting them turn you into someone you hate. Pick them up, look at them, & imagine all of the beautiful things that can come from it.
Forget about what broke you. That doesn’t matter anymore. What matters now is how you will put yourself back together. It wont be easy, your going to want to give up. And maybe at first you wont be able to see the beauty that comes from being able to heal yourself. But once you are strong enough to pick up all of the pieces & start placing them back together. Fill them with gold, paint them in glitter, & let them transform you into an even more beautiful unique person. Stop hiding your scars & being ashamed. Wear them with pride. They tell a story that you went thru hell & came back even more beautiful. No one breaks the same, no one heals the same. Everyone’s scars are different, why not make them beautiful?
Let your battles become your biggest lessons & Never stop loving YOU!
XOXO – Jani