Its been almost a month since this year began & Its already been pretty damn nuts! I’ve been hearing that this is the year for change & self-discovery. I just didn’t think that the universe would grant me this change as soon as the year began!
I wanted to start the year with an amazing post. Some sort of an inspiring post about embracing whats to come this year & making it worth it. And even though I hope that this ends up still being that in some way, I also need to keep it real.
Okay so without going into detail, (we’ll save that for a later post!), something happened at the beginning of the year that changed my life. And I’m not going to lie, it broke me a little. I was weak, broken and felt like there was no possible way I could go on. And even though I still have a very LONGGG way to go before I am completely healed, I have realized that this may be the exact thing I need to use this year for. HEALING ✨
It is so easy to speak on self-love and preach to everyone on how important it is to have. It is something different entirely to actually practice self-love and be able to conquer it without fear! I always thought I loved myself, I mean why not right? But the truth is, I’ve been validating my self worth thru the eyes of others. I would try really hard to make sure everyone liked me, so that in the end it would give me a reason for me to like me. Which is pretty fucked up!
I have realized that this year needs to be about giving but in a different way. I need to give to MYSELF. All of the love, attention, time, & energy I have gave to people who didn’t deserve it & who gave nothing in return. I need to learn how to start giving it to myself.
With that being said I have decided to take this change & turn it into something amazing for myself. A new beginning.
In a way I am grateful for the hurt, and thankful for the messiness. For so long I have been stuck in a storm. A storm that I have always had the power to walk away from, but was always so fearful of what it would mean to no longer feel what I was so used to. Despite how chaotic and toxic. I could always see other people in the sunlight, happy, full of self love, loving the world they created for themselves. And even though I knew that I wanted to feel that at some point, I was never sure if I really deserved it. Until now.
I can finally see the grey clouds rolling away & the slightest glimmer of sunlight finally shining through. I have hope, and with this hope came SOO many possibilities for the future that I never saw before. I want to give myself all of the love I gave away. I want to take care of me, and make myself as happy as I have been trying to make those around me.
I had gotten a lot more in touch with the Universe, and spirituality. Studying the law of manifestation and the law of attraction and would love to do more posts on it later on. But I have started a new journey with all of this, and I have never been more excited & scared in my life! A good kind of scary, the kind that just makes me feel like I have the entire world in my hands and can do whatever it is I want to do.
This year will be about me. About finding out who the hell I really am, and what I want. This year will be about accepting every inch of myself, mind, body & soul.
I want this to be for everyone who continues to struggle with life, with themselves. There is such a magical feeling of relief and hope that comes along with realizing you are worthy of so much more. I used to want my life to end, & now I can’t wait to keep living it!
“Just when the Caterpillar thought her life was over, She began to Fly.. 🦋”
xoxo – Janii